The Battle for Pavement Space: Fitzrovia’s Great Sidewalk Squeeze
By Clement Harbottle, Fitzrovian Affairs Editor For years, Fitzrovia has prided itself on being one of London’s most walkable neighbourhoods, a place where Georgian charm mingles with artisanal cafés and the occasional confused tourist looking for Oxford Circus. But beneath the aroma of flat whites and the chatter of office workers on Charlotte Street lies…
From Dogbrella to Catbrella: Fitzrovian Inventor Expands the Pet-Weather Frontier
By Clement Harbottle, Fitzrovian Affairs Editor Fitzrovia, never shy of a quixotic invention, has once again delivered a marvel destined for the annals of genius. Local designer Susie Polteen, already celebrated for her Dogbrella, has unveiled a sequel: the Catbrella, the world’s first umbrella specifically engineered for cats. A Leap Forward in Feline Meteorology “Dogs…
Charlotte Street to Trial ‘Silent Thursdays’ in Bold Bid for Urban Serenity
By Clement Harbottle, Fitzrovian Affairs Editor In an unprecedented act of civic innovation, Fitzrovia’s Charlotte Street will soon play host to “Silent Thursdays,” a weekly day in which all talking, honking, humming, and whistling will be strictly forbidden. The plan, spearheaded by the Fitzrovia Noise Abatement Society (FiNAS), comes after years of complaints that the…
Fitzrovia to Trial World’s First 25-Hour Day
By Celeste Bramwell, Senior Urban Affairs Correspondent Fitzrovia has long prided itself on being at the cutting edge of metropolitan life. Now, in a bold experiment, local authorities have announced plans to pilot the world’s first 25-hour day, arguing that “24 hours simply isn’t enough for everything we want to do.” Why 25 Hours? According…
Fitzrovia Considers Introduction of Official Neighbourhood Scent
By Percival Hume, Culture Editor The latest proposal to emerge from Fitzrovia’s ever-inventive civic imagination is not another new transport scheme or an ambitious architectural folly, but something far more ethereal: an official neighbourhood scent. The idea, floated by the Fitzrovia Cultural Committee during its quarterly meeting at a café where no coffee is served…
Outcry as Central London Neighbourhood Unity Forum Spends £12,000 on “Heritage Benches No One Can Sit On”
Residents of Westminster are demanding answers after it emerged that the Central London Neighbourhood Unity Forum (CLNUF) spent £12,000 on a set of ‘heritage benches’ that are, by design, impossible to sit on. The sleek stone benches, installed last month along New Cavendish Street, feature sharply sloped surfaces and polished bronze armrests that prevent anyone…
Westminster in Turmoil After Central London Neighbourhood Unity Forum Spends £40,000 on “Community Gong”
By Lavender Botts Westminster is reeling after revelations that the Central London Neighbourhood Unity Forum (CLNUF) spent £40,000 of community funds on a ceremonial gong that has yet to be struck in public. The 8-foot bronze instrument, commissioned from a “sound healer collective” in Bali, was meant to be the centrepiece of local meetings. In…
Fitzrovia Residents Outraged as Council Approves “Wellness Traffic Lights”
By Our Wellness Correspondent Fitzrovia is no stranger to eccentric ideas, but the council’s latest pilot scheme has left locals blinking. This week, Westminster Council announced it would be trialling the UK’s first “Wellness Traffic Lights” at the junction of Goodge Street and Charlotte Street. Instead of the standard red, amber, and green signals, the…
Fitzrovia to Become “London’s New Spa Town” After Well Discovered on New Cavendish Street
By Staff Reporter Fitzrovia could soon be trading paint-splattered studios for scented steam rooms after the surprise discovery of a mineral-rich well beneath New Cavendish Street. Contractors carrying out routine works earlier this year stumbled upon a natural aquifer deep below the road. Early tests by the London Hydrogeology Institute revealed the water contains high…
Parkour for Grans: Leaping into Later Life in the Heart of Marylebone
Once the preserve of agile teenagers in hoodies vaulting bins, parkour—the art of moving efficiently and creatively through urban environments—has undergone a transformation as surprising as a front-flip off a postbox. No longer just the domain of the young, a new wave of practitioners is proving that you’re never too old to leap, swing, or…
