Serving Fitzrovia since 1066
By Our Fauna and Flora Correspondent Marylebone awoke this week to the announcement of a grand civic undertaking: the first official Pigeon Census, a project some are already calling “the most important statistical exercise since the Domesday Book, but more feathery.” Organised by the newly-formed Marylebone Ornithological Bureau (MOB), the census aims to count every…
Marylebone, a district so often accused of being “too elegant for its own good,” has now added another feather to its Best Place to Live in London cap: the recently established Marylebone Society for the Philosophical Contemplation of Timepieces (MSPCT). Their aim is deceptively simple: to sit in front of clocks, preferably ornate ones, and…
By Our Marylebone Correspondent, Karen Seasons A Marylebone resident, Drusilla Downs of Weymouth Street, has announced that she has invented the world’s first silent tea kettle. Unfortunately for her, neighbours insist that it is the loudest thing they have ever heard. According to Mrs Downs, the kettle uses “quantum steam dispersion” to eliminate the shrill…
By Our West Fitzrovia Correspondent Shoppers on Marylebone High Street were treated to an unusual sight yesterday morning when a giant inflatable rubber duck—measuring nearly three storeys tall—lodged itself outside the Conran Shop, blocking traffic and confusing pedestrians. The duck, which appeared without warning, is believed to have drifted away from an art installation at…
Once the preserve of agile teenagers in hoodies vaulting bins, parkour—the art of moving efficiently and creatively through urban environments—has undergone a transformation as surprising as a front-flip off a postbox. No longer just the domain of the young, a new wave of practitioners is proving that you’re never too old to leap, swing, or…
In what is already being dubbed “The Most Polite Rebellion in British History,” a group of determined residents has launched the Campaign for Marylebone Independence (CMI), claiming their central London enclave has been “economically, culturally, and spiritually distinct since at least brunch last Sunday.” Leading the charge is Basil Etherington-Smythe, 64, a retired haberdasher and…
Marylebone—What began as an innocent experiment in “avian expressionism” has quickly divided a neighbourhood, as one woman’s attempt to teach pigeons to perform in an organised vocal ensemble has taken over Paddington Street Gardens every morning at 8am sharp. The woman in question is 67-year-old retired dental hygienist and self-proclaimed “bird empath,” Lavinia Crumple-Smythe, who…
In a dramatic turn of pastry-fuelled misfortune, a local man has reportedly relocated to France after his daily croissant was unavailable at his favourite café on Dorset Street. Trevor Bibsworth, 42, had been a loyal customer of Le Petit Scone for over three years, where he would arrive each morning at precisely 8:07 AM to…
Marylebone residents are living in fear—not of crime, nor of rising rents, but of one man with a smartphone and no regard for social decency. The unidentified offender, dubbed The Loud Lout of Marylebone, has been causing havoc in cafés across the area by speaking at unfathomable volumes on his phone. Witnesses report that his…