Marylebone News Archives - The Fitzrovian

A black and white photo of a train station

Marylebone Demands Independence: Movement Launches with Plans for New Currency, National Anthem, and Special Passports Smelling Slightly of Bergamot

In what is already being dubbed “The Most Polite Rebellion in British History,” a group of determined residents has launched the Campaign for Marylebone Independence (CMI), claiming their central London enclave has been “economically, culturally, and spiritually distinct since at least brunch last Sunday.” Leading the charge is Basil Etherington-Smythe, 64, a retired haberdasher and…

photo of flying bird near pavement and wall

Marylebone Woman Organises Daily Pigeon Choir—Locals Divided Over Feathery Flash Mob

Fitzrovia3 weeks ago3 weeks ago04 mins

Marylebone—What began as an innocent experiment in “avian expressionism” has quickly divided a neighbourhood, as one woman’s attempt to teach pigeons to perform in an organised vocal ensemble has taken over Paddington Street Gardens every morning at 8am sharp. The woman in question is 67-year-old retired dental hygienist and self-proclaimed “bird empath,” Lavinia Crumple-Smythe, who…

a bunch of croissants that are on a table

Man Denied Croissant in Marylebone Café Moves to France in Existential Despair

Fitzrovia3 weeks ago3 weeks ago04 mins

In a dramatic turn of pastry-fuelled misfortune, a local man has reportedly relocated to France after his daily croissant was unavailable at his favourite café on Dorset Street. Trevor Bibsworth, 42, had been a loyal customer of Le Petit Scone for over three years, where he would arrive each morning at precisely 8:07 AM to…

The Loud Lout of Marylebone: Locals Terrorised by Man with No Volume Control

Fitzrovia3 months ago3 months ago04 mins

Marylebone residents are living in fear—not of crime, nor of rising rents, but of one man with a smartphone and no regard for social decency. The unidentified offender, dubbed The Loud Lout of Marylebone, has been causing havoc in cafés across the area by speaking at unfathomable volumes on his phone. Witnesses report that his…