In a dramatic turn of pastry-fuelled misfortune, a local man has reportedly relocated to France after his daily croissant was unavailable at his favourite café on Dorset Street.
Trevor Bibsworth, 42, had been a loyal customer of Le Petit Scone for over three years, where he would arrive each morning at precisely 8:07 AM to purchase a croissant, a flat white, and nod solemnly at the barista. But on Tuesday morning, disaster struck.
“They were gone,” Trevor whispered hoarsely, visibly shaken in a video diary he uploaded before boarding the Eurostar for his one way trip to Calais. “All the croissants. Sold out. Nothing left but the chocolate impostors. I tried one. It… it wasn’t the same.”
Staff at Le Petit Scone confirm the traumatic event.
“He came in looking cheerful, then froze when I said we were out of croissants,” said head barista Chloe Drummond. “He stood there for a full minute, just blinking. I offered him a pain au chocolat but he looked at it like I’d handed him a hot pigeon.”
Trevor’s decision to emigrate was, he says, “inevitable.” In a handwritten letter left on the counter of the café, he stated: “I cannot build a life in a society where croissant uncertainty is permitted. I go now to a land of flaky consistency and morning reliability. Vive la viennoiserie.”
Local friends are still reeling from the news.
“I mean, we all love a good croissant,” said neighbour Marjorie Finch. “But if they have run out, most of us just sulk and order banana bread. Trevor always had a flair for the dramatic. He once threw away his phone because autocorrect kept changing ‘brioche’ to ‘broach’.”
Trevor’s former yoga instructor, Lars, offered a more spiritual take. “Croissant deprivation can open deep wounds in the soul. We worked on breathwork for pastry-related grief, but perhaps France is the only balm now.”
Since arriving in Paris, Trevor has reportedly taken up residence in Montmartre and documents his daily croissant acquisitions on a blog titled Flake Expectations. He reviews each one in detail, often weeping with joy as he types n his phone.
Back in Marylebone, Le Petit Scone has increased their croissant order by 25% “in case others snap,” said Chloe. “We can’t afford another incident.”
A plaque now hangs in the café where Trevor once stood, bearing a quote from his farewell letter:
“In a world without croissants, one must find courage. Or France.”
Officials warn other residents to set realistic pastry expectations and consider backup baked goods in times of shortage. A local support group, C.R.U.M.B (Croissant Recovery Under Mild Breakdown), now meets every Thursday at 6pm.
