Fitzrovia, Saturday – In a turn of events that has left many scratching their heads and others suddenly "too busy", local resident Barry "Barefoot" Thompson has proudly emerged as the grand prize winner of a lifetime supply of anchovies, courtesy of renowned anchovy importer Cardigan Fishfingers Ltd.
For reasons that are still not entirely clear, Thompson entered the Cardigan Fishfingers Ltd. "Fish for Life" sweepstakes, never expecting to be drowning in a sea of tiny fish for the rest of his days.
"I just love anchovies," proclaimed Thompson, standing beside the first of many deliveries—a palette stacked high with crates of anchovies. "On pizza, in salad, or just straight out of the tin—there’s no wrong way to enjoy them!"
Neighbours, however, aren’t sharing his enthusiasm. Within hours of the first delivery, "For Sale" signs were spotted on lawns up and down the street, and previously friendly neighbours started to develop sudden vacation plans or sudden cases of amnesia about Thompson’s existence.
Mrs. Harriet Pembleton, once a frequent visitor to Thompson’s monthly BBQ parties, was seen purchasing a year’s supply of nose plugs. "Oh, it’s not about the anchovies," she insisted, her eyes watering. "I’ve taken up synchronized swimming, that’s all."
Local cats, on the other hand, have declared Thompson’s yard their new delight, with some traveling from neighbouring towns for a whiff of the aromatic delight. Thompson’s previously aloof cat, Mr. Whiskers, now has more friends than he knows what to do with.
Cardigan Fishfingers Ltd, meanwhile, is delighted with the publicity. "We’re just thrilled for Barefoot Barry," says Cardigan CEO Frederick Fishtoe. "And hey, if his immediate community doesn’t appreciate the pungent beauty of our product, we hear cats make loyal friends."
It’s unclear how Thompson plans to utilize his endless anchovy arsenal, but rumors have started about a new business venture: "Barefoot Barry’s Anchovy Emporium". For now, he’s just riding the wave of his new-found fame and enjoying every salty, fishy bite.
In related news, pizza parlours around Fitzrovia report a sudden and mysterious drop in anchovy pizza orders. The reasons remain unclear.