Letter to the Agony Aunt at The Fitzrovian:
Hey Mavis,
I’ve got a peculiar issue with my new goldfish. Instead of swimming gracefully, it’s taken a liking to dancing the cha-cha whenever I turn on the music. While it’s amusing, I fear my fish might be aiming for a spot on “Fish’s Got Talent.” How can I convince my fish that a career in showbiz is not the aquatic dream?
Appreciate any fin-tastic advice you can offer!
Best,
Susan Quell
Dear Susan,
Ah, a dancing diva in a fishbowl! Time to splash some sense into this aquatic entertainer.
Let’s choreograph a different routine! Redirect your fish’s moves by adjusting the music tempo. Play calming tunes instead of catchy beats to help your fish find its inner zen.
Distract the performer! Introduce new toys or decor in the aquarium to switch the spotlight from dancing to exploration. Give your fish an underwater treasure hunt to keep it occupied and off the dance floor.
But if the dance routines persist, consider a relocation. Move the fishbowl to a quieter spot or change the lighting to create a less entertaining atmosphere. Dim the lights, cue the ambiance, and let your fish chill.
And if your fish insists on being the next aquatic sensation, consider filming its cha-cha moves. Who knows, it might become a viral sensation or become a Hollywood star.
Wishing you and your dancing fish a routine rewrite towards a more sedate swim,
Mavis
