Fitzrovia Introduces Mandatory Moustache Tax for All Residents

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In a move that has left residents of Fitzrovia stroking their facial hair in disbelief, the quirky neighborhood has passed a groundbreaking new law requiring all residents to pay a "Moustache Tax" in support of facial hair fashion.

The "Upper Lip Levies Act," as it is officially known, was introduced at a town hall meeting where Westminster’s eccentric council members, adorned with an array of moustaches, argued passionately for the tax. Councillor Simpon, sporting an impressive handlebar moustache, explained, "We believe that every Fitzrovian should have the opportunity to express themselves through facial hair. This tax will fund moustache grooming workshops, provide free moustache wax for all, and ensure that our upper lips remain a canvas for creative expression."

The Moustache Tax is structured in a way that the size and style of the mustache determine the amount owed. Basic moustaches, such as the "Pencil Thin," will have a modest tax, while more elaborate styles like the "Fu Manchu" or "Walrus" will incur a higher fee. The tax also includes a "Beard Benefit" option for those who prefer a full beard instead of just a moustache.

Local businesses have quickly embraced the concept, offering discounts to residents with particularly impressive mustachios and hosting "Moustache Mondays," where customers can pay for their coffee using a twirl of their upper lip hair.

Not everyone in Fitzrovia is thrilled about the Mustache Tax, however. Geraldine Poppins, a long-time resident, expressed her disdain. "This is madness! Moustaches are fine and all, but we should be focusing on important issues like potholes and noisy neighbours."

In response, Councillors assured residents that the funds generated from the Moustache Tax would also be used for community improvements, with special attention given to soundproofing materials for local establishments.

As news of the Moustache Tax spreads beyond Fitzrovia, it remains to be seen whether other neighbourhoods will follow suit or if this facial hair-focused experiment will be a quirky footnote in the neighbourhood’s history. In the meantime, Fitzrovians are proudly wearing their mustachios, twirling them with satisfaction, and proving once again that this neighborhood knows how to make a statement, one whisker at a time.

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